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Cork remains committed to and invested in his children, often prioritizing their needs over his own personal romantic happiness. How do you view Cork as a father? What do you think of his parenting style and his relationships with each of his children?
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Asking for help to salvage his marriage to Jo, Cork admits to Fr. Tom Griffin that for a long time after the shootings, “I wasn’t much of a husband or a father.” Now, a year and a half later, Cork still struggles but is clearly present to each of his children, present in ways that respect their individuality and development. For me, two examples are especially poignant and telling. With the photographs of Jo’s infidelity in a dresser drawer, Cork wakes immediately to the sound of Stevie’s footie pajamas. Responding with respect and tenderness, he guides Stevie on a search of his room for monsters, explains it is probably the wind (source of a monster for Cork also) and then lies down with Stevie until the child sleeps again. Jenny is deep in the adolescent task of individuation. Cork speaks to her respectfully and candidly, acknowledging that he and Jo disagree on what they want without blaming Jo. He wants to reach out and hold Jenny, like he could when she was small and “Sesame Street” and Ernie were her world. Cork realizes that time has passed and respect for Jenny comes with allowing some distance. Throughout, each of the O’Connor children emerges as an individual and Cork as respectful of their needs.
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While he struggles to be a good parent, it’s clear that he wants to put them first and to ensure that they will be ok. In that way, I see him as a good parent. He is working on it after a shock. He fights for his marriage, even while Molly is alive. He understands the children need him and in his own way works with them, playing with young Stevie while attempting to come to terms with Jenny as she matures. It left me with the sense that while some damage had been done, the future would be brighter, especially as he and his wife worked better together. He is now doing his best, I think. Can any of us do more, especially in situations where we have little control?
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Agree, if a good relationship with our children meant never making a mistake, we would all be lost. Cork steps up for his children.
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I think he has a good, honest relationship with all of his children. He’s willing to be vulnerable in front of them and admit his mistakes, and I think this is extremely important and shows him as a caring and loving father. When he discovers Annie has snuck out of home to feed Romeo and Juliet (and come visit him), he does not get angry or upset with her; he just handles it calmly and listens to her without judgment. With Stevie, he’s affectionate and playful, and I think he knows just his presence in the family home is what Stevie wants and needs. He’s got the most fractious relationship with Jenny but he talks to her with respect and he navigates her hurt and anger in a mature way.
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Definitely agree especially about how Cork relates to Jenny. In my observations of fathers of daughters, navigating a respectful relationship with a developing young woman can be fraught. Another example is Cork’s willingness to accept Jenny’s decision to read Sylvia Plath at the holiday program even though he very much wants her to select something different. It seems like a small issue considering the other issues in their lives but Cork recognizes it for what it means to Jenny.
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Yes, very good point about Jenny. I think Cork is relieved/happy that she changes her mind about Plath, though. 🙂
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Throughout the book Cork demonstrates he is a good father. He wants to be involved in their upbringing (and spells this out clearly to Father Tom) and his interactions with them are all touching. Each first scene Cork has with his children outlines how the separation is affecting them. With Jenny (his eldest), it’s the most complex. She distrusts his motives and what he says is the truth. But when she sees him vulnerable, when he’s honest with her, he earns her trust back. By the end of the book that’s clear when she switches her Christmas poetry reading from Sylvia Plath to Robert Frost for him. So I think he is doing the best he can given the circumstances, and I think that the ordeal that he and Jo go through will help them heal that anger, hurt, and animosity they have towards one another, which can only benefit the kids.
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I took hope for the O’Connor’s future as a family from Jenny switching her reading to Robert Frost.
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